Nowadays, we tend to call many people friends. But are these people truly our friends? Reality shows that most of those we consider friends may not feel the same way about us. You’ve likely noticed how the word “friend” has lost its value and how its true meaning has faded in the rush of modern life. In this article, I aim to restore the importance of friendship in your eyes and remind you of the true meaning of the word.
The main types of friendship
When we talk about friendship, it’s essential to understand that not all relationships between people are the same. Connections vary in depth and motivation, and not everyone we spend time with becomes a true friend. To understand what true friendship really is, let’s turn to Aristotle’s ethics, in which he identifies three types of friendship:
- Friendship based on mutual benefit.
- Friendship that seeks pleasure.
- True friendship founded on the qualities of another person.
Friendship based on mutual benefit
This type of friendship is built on temporary benefits. What matters here is not the person themselves, but what they can offer. Such connections are easily lost if someone more helpful or resourceful comes along.
These people may enjoy spending time together, but they don’t care about each other’s inner worlds. So, if someone values you only for what you can provide, don’t be too quick to open up. When the benefits fade, your honesty might work against you.
Such relationships are common in society, particularly at work. To get the most from these connections, follow a few simple rules:
- Maintain distance. Don’t open up or share anything personal.
- Keep the conversation going. This is important for building a useful connection that may come in handy later.
- Help out. If someone asks for advice or support, help them, but not too frequently, to avoid being exploited. It’s equally essential to be comfortable asking for help in return.
- Be resilient. Don’t let others take advantage of you, or you’ll only end up disappointed in people.
Friendship seeking pleasure
This type of friendship is based on shared interests and hobbies. You spend time together because you have common ground. You may have fun, enjoy each other’s company, and it may even feel like true friendship. But this is a common misconception. In this kind of friendship, a person enjoys the activities they do together, rather than the other person. The main factor here is the desire for pleasure — say, to avoid feeling bored.
Once the potential for enjoyment or excitement fades, so does the relationship. Friendship built solely on emotions doesn’t last long, and the person becomes more of a tool for lifting spirits rather than a true friend.
It may seem like friendship, but it’s essential to understand the other person’s true intentions. To check, observe their behavior:
- Notice how they listen to you. If they interrupt or aren’t paying attention, it shows a lack of respect for your thoughts and opinions.
- Are they interested in your opinion? A true friend cares about your point of view, feelings, and reaction to what they say. Even if they’re sharing something personal, they’ll still ask for your thoughts.
- Do they ask clarifying questions when you speak? If they value you, they’ll want to understand what you’re saying in greater depth.
- A good friend takes the initiative. They won’t wait for you to suggest something — they’ll take an interest in you first.
- A loyal friend reveals themselves in hard times. They care about what’s happening in your life, and they have enough empathy to understand when you need help and support.
True friendship
The previous two types of friendship clearly show that true friendship stands out for its depth of connection to the person. Unlike other types, true friendship values the person, their character, and inner qualities. A true friend is someone we have a sincere interest in.
To call someone a true friend, you should first ask yourself:
- Are they a mindful person?
- What are their life goals?
- Do they have moral values and principles?
- What are their qualities?
Why do so many people think true friends are those with shared interests? This misconception often arises when people prioritize their own pleasure over the desire to share it with others. This is typical of people lacking an inner foundation.
True friends are those who see something deeper in each other than just a means to have fun or gain something. True unity isn’t born from shared interests but from a genuine desire to share joy and support. To attract friends like these, you must first understand friendship yourself and be ready to reciprocate.
The secret to friendship lies in the desire to share joy, inspiration, and happiness. It’s essential that your friend beside you feels the same.
How to make friends
To understand who your friends are, you need to become a mindful person yourself. How much benefit you bring others or how fun you are to be around is less important. What matters most is who you are as a whole.
The purpose of friendship isn’t fun, gain, or advantage. Friendship promotes personal growth, where each person encourages the other to improve. True friends share a similar moral outlook on life. And if you find yourself growing and improving with someone, then congratulations — you’ve experienced friendship.
Friends must be chosen consciously. In life, we constantly encounter different people, and we need to make the right choice among them. Ask yourself, “How does this person influence me?” You should understand their nature, inner reality, and core motives without relying on convenience, ease, or comfort in communication.
Friendship is the conscious closeness of two people, united by common aspirations and inspiration for the same truth. True friendship has a spiritual goal that may be unattainable, but what’s important is that both are striving to achieve it.
The foundation of everything is an inner unity based on ethics, morals, and the desire to become better. Such friendship will endure any trials and hardships.
Where to find friends
People mistakenly believe there are specific places to make friends. Special efforts to meet everyone, hoping to find “the one”, often lead only to wasted time and energy.
Instead, look around at the people who are already near you. Using the advice in this article, analyze who suits you. Then, take the initiative and start a conversation. Remember, new people enter your life constantly. Have the courage to reach out and pay attention to details, words, and actions.
It’s possible that there are no potential friends in your current circle. This might indicate you’re in the wrong place or living among people who don’t suit you. In this case, it may be time to change your lifestyle or habits to meet new people, among whom you can find a true friend.
