Why do people lie? This question, while simple, does not have a simple answer. Some people try to tell the truth, some people lie more than others, and some people lie all the time. There can be many reasons for lying, some justifiable and others despicable.
People often resort to lying, making up ridiculous reasons and excuses instead of being honest with themselves and others.
But today we are not going to condemn lying. In this article, let’s look at common causes and signs of deception to be able to recognize lies in everyday life.
Causes of lying
Lying can be caused by different motives, which can be both positive and negative. Some people lie to avoid punishment or to protect another person, while others may lie to gain the admiration of others. In addition, the reasons for lying may be related to the desire to gain some kind of benefit, to maintain privacy, or to avoid embarrassing situations.
It is important to realize that the motives for lying can vary dramatically depending on the situation and the personality of the person who is lying. But the common trait that unites all liars is fear. You will see this when we look at some of the most common reasons for lying. This knowledge will help you recognize lies and keep yourself safe from them.
Avoiding punishment
Avoiding punishment is the most common motivation for lying, both among children and adults. It is important to note that there is little difference between a lie told to avoid punishment for a deliberate misdemeanor and an honest mistake.
Typically, people resort to this reason for lying when they do something wrong, feeling fear of being punished or losing something important to them, such as a job, reputation, relationship, etc.
That is, they resort to lying to avoid trouble. To do this, they may hide their actions, create false perceptions about their actions or intentions. This may help to avoid responsibility for actions or negative consequences that may arise.
In cases where the liar knows that he or she is facing punishment, lying can be determined by several characteristics such as facial expression, body movements, gaze, voice, and choice of words. The likelihood of punishment, imposes an emotional burden, causing involuntary facial and body changes that give away the lie.
False attribution of merit to obtain a reward
This reason, especially common among people who have insufficient experience and competence in a matter. For example, people may lie about their experience in job interviews to increase their chances of getting a job. Such people often take credit for other people’s accomplishments and hard work in order to fraudulently obtain rewards.
Usually such lies are difficult to expose because the liar uses someone else’s experience, modifying it to suit him/herself. This is done to boost credibility and lend more ‘weight’ to their words. Most of the conversation of such a person may be occupied by the story of past experience. In this case, it will be difficult to go into detail, and any departure from the topic can cause narrative problems. It is like a memorized story, except there will be nothing to tell.
The deception of such liars with their memorized story or fictitious legend is easily undone if you ask them questions about the future, ask them to tell in more detail or clarify the points they have not dwelled on for a long time. Questions might go something like this:
- What new ideas and thoughts do you have?
- Can you elaborate on this point?
- What direction are you moving in?
If the answers are brief and superficial, and their mood shifts suddenly, it’s likely you’re dealing with a liar.
Protecting the other person from punishment
Protecting another person is one of the main reasons why people resort, even, to serious lies. For example, one might lie to protect a friend, coworker, or family member from danger or punishment.
Nevertheless, society is ambivalent about this type of lying. When police officers refuse to testify against a colleague who has broken the law, their motive may be respected, but many believe that such actions should be justified by justice.
While this type of deception can bring people closer together, it should not be forgotten that its use may indicate an avoidance of responsibility by the person for whom the lie is being told. This type of deception should only be used in truly threatening situations where the well-being of a loved one is at stake.
Protection from physical and psychological threats
Sometimes people are forced to lie to protect their physical and psychological health, not because of fear of punishment. For example, a child may lie to a stranger at the door to protect themselves in case a parent is not home.
In the case of a real threat to life or health, the signs of lying may be obvious. That being said, it is important to keep your composure and control your emotions, especially when you are in a state of affect. One way to maintain self-control is to control your breathing. Breathing evenly with a reduced rate of breathing can reduce tension and keep your mind clear.
Winning the admiration of others
Lying to increase popularity can manifest itself in a variety of ways, from minor exaggerations to creating an entirely new identity.
Often, this type of deception is used to improve one’s image and gain an advantage over others. Basically, its purpose is to elicit admiration from others.
One typical example of this behavior is bragging. This type of deception is common among children, teenagers and even adults. If the deception is discovered, it can negatively affect the reputation of the braggart, but there are usually no serious consequences. But when the lie concerns financial successes, such as claims of returns to investors, it goes beyond innocent exaggeration and can have serious legal consequences.
Getting out of an embarrassing social situation
Avoiding embarrassment is closely related to many smaller types of lies, so-called “everyday lies.” People often lie to avoid being in embarrassing situations.
Excuses like “I can’t find a babysitter” to avoid going to a boring event, or “excuse me, I’m on my way out” are ways to avoid giving a straight answer when talking to strangers.
The problem of everyday life lies in ourselves, and it is worth analyzing why such situations affect us so much. By finding the answer in ourselves, we can find ways to cope with awkwardness without lying.
It is also important to learn to say “no” when you realize that the situation or situation does not suit you. After all, the impression you make depends on your responsibility to yourself and your ability to stay true to your desires.
The desire to appear courteous and polite
Sometimes deception can be hidden behind politeness. For example, when you say “thank you so much for the lovely party” or “that color really suits you,” your goal is not necessarily to tell the truth. It’s simply an exchange of pleasantries that helps emphasize how you feel about the person.
However, if you look closely at the expression on the other person’s face, you may catch that there is a strain behind the words. To understand whether the compliment is sincere or a tribute to politeness, pay attention to facial expressions — it often says more than the words themselves.
Maintaining privacy
People may lie to maintain confidentiality without declaring it. This happens when a person completely distrusts another person or doesn’t want to share personal information. Lying can be used to change the facts in various situations that may be presented under the guise of truth.
The desire to wield power over others
These individuals are particularly dangerous because they aim not merely to influence, but to fully control the actions and thoughts of those around them.
Recognize their lies by their behavior: they often demonstrate confidence that they know best and that their opinion is always more important. Such people do not tolerate objections and tend to impose their point of view as the only truth. To avoid succumbing to their influence, it is important to critically evaluate any statement they make and understand how it can affect you.
Such people try to suppress others to strip them of the courage to speak up. Therefore, think critically about everything they say and give your counterarguments. People who remain calm and keep the conversation constructive will never fall prey to such liars and manipulators. This is because this type of people chooses a person who is already weak and can’t do anything in an equal confrontation.
How to recognize lies
Having familiarized yourself with the main causes of lying, you can highlight the signs that liars often show. This will help you to recognize a lie in time. Here are the main ones:
- Unstable eye contact: Liars often avoid sustained eye contact or only hold it briefly.
- Mismatch between words and nonverbal signals: For example, a person may smile, but his body is tense and gives away nervousness and anxiety.
- Avoiding a direct answer: Liars often do not answer the question asked or answer in generalities to get away from the point.
- Overuse of negative words: Repetition of words such as “no,” “never,” “no way,” or “no way” may be an attempt to reinforce denial or to protect themselves from suspicion.
- Conflicting statements: Liars sometimes become confused by changing their versions and contradicting what they have previously said.
- Excessive detail: Superfluous, irrelevant details can mask a lie, creating the illusion of credibility.
- Change in tone of voice: An unnatural or overly high tone of voice can give away inner insecurity.
Remember that each person expresses lies differently. To better understand these signs, studying relevant literature and honing your observation skills — particularly for nonverbal cues — can be invaluable.
Do we really want to know if someone is lying?
In most cases, there is no quick and easy way to recognize deception, and even if there were, we might not like what we discover.
People often claim to want to know the truth, but there are many cases where it is more convenient to believe a lie. In such circumstances, we tend to ignore signs of deception and justify suspicious behavior to avoid the potentially negative consequences of revealing the lies we are being told.
However, to avoid manipulation you must, in some situations, know why people deceive.
If you are facing a person you don’t know well — be careful of every word spoken. Deception in the world — is already ingrained in people’s lives. To counteract it, start being honest with yourself and with others.
